Why the Cowboys suck {the Biblical view}:

In 1989 the forces of evil led by the profligate Jerry Jones obtained God's Team, the Cowboys, and with no shame or remorse, fired the team's righteous leader, Saint Tom of Landry thus disgracing him. Yea verily, God work's in his own way and time, so that the Sinner Jones was allowed early successes.

This was God's test, He, wishing to learn if the Evil Jones had learned piety and respect. Lo, he had not and built unto himself a $1 billion pagan altar which he named the Temple of Jones. This pissed God off, royally! So now, slowly God will visit the Seven Plagues of the House of Lombardi upon the Pagan Jones and cast his money changers out of the temple which shall be restored to God and his people.

From the Book of Staubach, CH1, vers. 5-8