The Transition Zone...

Sometimes feeling like we were left behind with the same compassion that one throws out old newspapers, Daphne and I are glad for new friends to uplift our spirits. Like a visitor who had read about the Big Gold Dog and wanted to meet Daphne.

The Day Dawns Bright.....

Things change, life goes on, but God has a plan for us all. A spiritual base and many friends have helped in leading up to this day. Spiritual growth sometimes comes from hard lessons but I believe what in AA are known as "The Promises"....

If we are painstaking about this phase of our spiritual development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. It's amazing how that works isn't it? Thanks God.

Today's cost of obeying God's will for me: Unfathomable heartache, $275 and time served.

D. Daphne Dog....

It was one week ago today that The Big Gold Dog passed away and as hard as it's been I don't think that I could have made it without D. Daphne Dog. D. Daphne has had a hard summer too. She was originally an abandoned puppy and then this summer she was left behind again by her previous owners. A tough deal for a dog not seeing familiar faces ever again. But she adapted well and it was nice for me to know that she was inside with Tres when I was gone during the day. I think they were good companions.

Now Tres is gone and Daphne is having, along with me, to adjust again. She's doing well but never leaves my side where ever I am. I'm sure she may be enjoying this promotion from spare dog to main dog, as Tres occupied much of my time in the last several months. And I'm enjoying her too. She loves to ride with me on various errands and being a smaller dog than Tres I don't feel bad about taking her along in the car and leaving her for a few moments as I run into the photo processors, cleaners or where ever. If ever a dog loved to ride, it's Daphne.

And she is a hoot. A very smart and inquisitive dog she's always up to something. This past week I had the DeAnda family interior contractors in repairing the leak damage in the den. There were sheet rock guys, plasterers and painters. Every time a new worker came in, we had to stop all work so that Freddy DeAnda could show them D. Daphnes tricks. On my question, "where's your toy"?, her ears stand up, she searches and finds her rope where ever it was in the house. Same with the ball, she knows the difference. But her "roll-over" was the show stopper. I don't understand much Spanish, but I could tell the guys were impressed.

Thanks D. Daphne for getting me through the week.

On the road again.....?

Before I delve into today's headline subject, I have to take a moment to once again thank and express my heartfelt gratitude to all those many, many people who left comments, emailed or phoned me concerning the passing of my best buddy Tres. It lifts my spirits to think that a Big Gold Dog and his love could affect so many people, for the messages weren't for me, they were for him. I know he got them. Thanks again, and when I regain my composure on that subject I intend to relate in more detail what a spiritual experience it was to be awakened by him as he left this world....a fact I've become more sure of in the last days. Since then, and dog owners know this, I have thought I've seen him sometimes sleeping in his old spots and last night as I walked barefoot over the tile floors where he used to sleep all night, I thought I actually felt a warm spot like I used to notice for hours after he'd gotten up...

So, On the road again? I think so. Daphne and I have been talking. It's sad to us that since last May the number of inhabitants at the Bedford Dr. estate has dwindled from a happy and joyous five living occupants [OK, some happy and joyous] to a paltry two inhabitants pared down by departures of both the heavenly and moving van variety. We are the expendable ones and we've been thinking of loading up the car and hitting the road.

My daily happiness doesn't revolve around having to have some trip in the planning stage, but I do like to get up and go occasionally. In the last year or so however, travel didn't seem as important as taking care of ailing dogs and Dad's. Tres is now on his last great trip and my Dad has nursing care several times a week, so it seems like a good time to venture forth upon the open road. In fact the Big Gold Dog and I used to motor around on occasion, our favorite spot being the Gage Hotel in Marathon, Texas, where they loved to accomodate both humans and dogs alike. We spent several wonderful nights there rocking on the front porch talking to interesting folks. There's nothing like a Big Gold Dog to help make friends. We also visited the Marfa lights, I saw them, Tres didn't. And I have to add that a former resident did plan some wonderful trips for us, frankly some of my happiest times, which I will remember for ever. But that's the past.

The future is that D. Daphne and I are going to be heading Northwest on a photo odyssey. The first three stops are planned and mostly booked. First will be the Hurd Gallery B&B in San Particio, New Mexico which is mostly booked if I can convince Michael Hurd that D. Daphne is OK to stay in the rooms. Next and completely booked today is onward to Galisteo, NM and the home of my artist friend Woody Gwin. Woody and his wife, Diana live in an historic adobe hacienda with guest quarters. Daphne and I will be the guests.

Next will be a short hop up to Santa Fe to the hacienda home of acquaintance Steve Northup, a celebrated Vietnam combat photographer. Steve's wife has also recently departed, she via the heavenly route. I say acquaintance because I've never met Steve personally, but have talked to him on the phone many times and emailed even more asking photo questions. He's often invited me up for a little personal instruction. Not a bad teacher, he's been nominated for three Pulitzer Prizes.

So we're in Santa Fe and where to next? As long as we're that far, and we're going to have think about this, but neither D. Daphne nor I have never been to Monument Valley. I've always wanted to see where all the John Ford westerns were filmed and, of course, it's a must once in a lifetime for any semi-serious photographer. And as long as we're there San Francisco is not out of the question. That's doubtful, but when you get driving it's hard to stop. I love San Francisco and haven't been there in ages.

The New Mexico portion is a must, October is my favorite month there. I assume we'll be leaving as soon as business and the Air Show are taken care of here at the beginning of October, in between football photo assignments and before my next sojourn to San Antonio in late October. The open road beckons....

The passing of The Big Gold Dog....

The Big Gold Dog, Tres, passed away without pain or discomfort and on his own according to God's will this morning at about 6:40 a.m. Both he and I were as prepared as we could be. Last night, as I have done for years I sat with him before I went to bed saying, "I love you, you big old dog". He was alert, looked particularly contented and knew I was there. I'm glad those were the last words he ever heard. I knew the end was near and dear friend that he was he went on his own without having to force me to make that painful last decision. I'm grateful to God that at least during the last several months he was able to enjoy his front yard and the many people who loved him and stopped to stroke his golden head. Or his friends like Snoopy, who got to stop by for one last visit in the final weeks. There has been no better friend on earth nor a more gentle soul.....

If there is any creature on earth that will be granted "express check-in" to God's eternal kingdom it will be the Big Gold Dog. He was my best buddy on earth and he taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, not only his for me, but hopefully mine for him too. His strength and will to go on doing the things he loved in the last month was remarkable. He now lies buried in my folks yard next to my last great golden pal "Ranger".

I know that he left me at 6:40 because, for a reason I didn't understand then, I awoke abruptly at the moment. As I have done for these last months of his illness I got up and went to look down the hall, not far from my bed, to check on him. He looked to be slumbering peacefully, which I now know he was, asleep in God's arms and waiting at the Rainbow Bridge. I went back to sleep and when I checked on him when I awoke again, I realized that he was gone, looking as peaceful and serene as he always has. I now know why I awoke at 6:40; I firmly believe that he left this good earth at that moment and his spirit passed over me one last time, letting me know he was going.

I held his head in my arms and told him goodbye again, and as I let Daphne in, she went right to his side and lay down next to him, knowing too that he was gone. I then called my friend and AA sponsor Robert who lives down the street to see if he could help move Tres to my parents yard where he would be buried. He said, of course, and was right there helping me move Tres to one of his favorite blankets in which we carried him gently to my folks.

I then I went to church, where Dr. Tim Walker, who had met the Big Gold Dog, offered to make a special prayer for Tres. Next to an after chruch AA meeting where most members knew of Tres' illness and offered their prayers for him. I had arranged for another Robert, a man I sponsor in AA, to come to the burial site to help me dig the grave for Tres and true to his word, he came as soon as I called. When I knew that Robert was on the way, I'll have to say that I finally broke down and sobbed like I have not done in decades, the finality of my best buddy's death had finally hit home.

Robert and I dug a nice grave in a shady spot of my folks yard, next to Ranger, my last Golden. With my folks in attendance we had a nice moment of silence followed by prayers from Robert and Myself. Tres was wrapped in his beautiful and clean blanket and I laid one of my favorite sweatshirts, one filled with my scent under his head as well one of his favorites treats, a rawhide bone. Robert and I closed his grave and I laid a golden lily over where his heart now rests. I had brought Dahpne to say good bye to her pal, and as a gift from God, she laid down right atop his resting place, a fitting tribute I thought.

I cannot tell you enough what the outpouring of emails, phone calls and personal sympathy that I have received today mean to me, as well as the beautiful flower arrangement sent by my old friends the Bynums. It's nice to know that although some people see fit to leave our lives at hard times like these, there are more than enough caring ones to take their place.

I went to two funerals yesterday, one for an old AA friend who had died elsewhere but had chosen to be buried next to her husband in Odessa. Kathy was from an old family in North Carolina, and although only 5 of her close family had flown out for the memorial the amount of flowers sent was staggering. As we left they invited me to take one of the arrangements, which I gladly did, a beautiful fall bouquet of fresh flowers that featured gold and rust tones. I chose these because they would match the living room decor. Kathy's sister told me of the strange coincidence that of all those arrangements I had picked the one that was sent by my friend Patti in North Carolina who had been instrumental in helping me get sober many years ago......and who had emailed me each day asking of Tres' condition. It wasn't until I knew that Tres was gone that I realized the significance of my choice of that golden bouquet, it was a gift from God to me early today, a message that Tres, the Big Gold Dog was home.

I don't mind telling you that I've been sobbing uncontrollably at times with the finality of my loss, there have been very few days over the last 10 or so years that I have not had him by my side. Tonight will be the worst, not having him laying with me in the office and not sleeping down the hall outside the bedroom. But with all the heartache I've had lately, God did give me another gift, D. Daphne Dog who will help with the continuity of my life and be a good companion to help ease the pain. In fact we're going walking right now.

I'm grateful for the skill and true caring of my Vet and friend Dr. Greg Adkins who stopped by almost daily to check and minister to Tres. Again, I cannot offer my profound thanks enough to all who cared about my best buddy, The Big Gold Dog.

To be free.....

"If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you wll be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words, do it anyway, and you will be free. Do it every day for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness, resentment and hatred, you will now feel compassion, understanding and love. And you will be free....

From the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 552.

The Truth...

"And the truth shall set us free". And so it did with me today. Honestly, I had suspected the truth but had wanted not to accept it, but when the truth slaps you right in the face there is no ignoring it. I had expected better but shouldn't have.

No more naive hope, false optimism or positive expectations from a situation where there was none. The truth was a dagger and it delivered one of the most painful cuts and deepest hurts that I have experienced in all my life, but it is better to know than to have dreamed of what could have been.

The truth will set me free and now I have surrendered so that I might go on to win.

I'm here...I think

Just a note to let the world know that I'm still here. My free time has been busy lately. I've been updating the Midland High Football website which has included changing the entire site architecture, redoing rosters and stats with the contstant change that goes on within the team, not to mention going to most of the team and booster club events to take photos. But it is a fun assignment, I've met a lot of nice new folks and kids and the booster club has rewarded me financially. In fact with far more than I think I'm worth. But thanks.

I have been busy, also, tending to the care of the Big Gold Dog. Frankly there have been days lately where I thought the end was hours away. For 24 hrs. he did not move from the same spot, although he would still eat a little and drink water if I brought these to him. Bologna and cheese was his entire meal somedays....eschewing all his regular treats and dog chow. I have consulted his Vet, Greg Adkins and close friends regularly about his condition and whether I am doing the right thing with him. All who have seen him agreed that as long as he still has the light in his eyes and the will to get up and go out front occasionally he should be allowed to go on, as he does not seem to be in pain.

In fact today, he was up and around, rolling in the grass out front and actually ate an entire bowl of food. OK, so I fixed him a pound of hamburger, he needs his protein, at least he finally ate a large quantity. The last several nights have been taxing as to get him outside and back inside while it's dark is a feat. Though he can make out objects during the day, at night he is for all intents blind. I lead him in and out which he...and I are getting used to.

The final day will come soon, but I've never seen a dog with such a strong will and constitution and I'm not going to give up on him as long as he has the desire to go on. I'm just grateful that I've gotten to spend these extra days with him.

Bulldogs....!

I'll have to say that roaming anywhere I please on the sidelines of a Midland High Bulldog football game beats sitting in the stands. Yessiree I had a great time on my first outing as a semi-official photographer for the football team and the booster club. Not only do I get to watch the plays from ground level, some coming right at me, but I was free to sit in on the offensive, defensive and special teams confabs during the game, talk to coaches and players when they had time and give a few rah-rahs directly to the guys who had made the big plays.

Yes sir, beats sittin' in the stands. Here are a few digital photos of the game. I've got two rolls of 35mm. yet to be added.

Football...

As some other blog somewhere recently noted, it is football season. I like the start of the season because it means the most beautiful season, Fall, is upon us and I do enjoy watching the college season unfolding. But I've grown to appreciate high school ball more over the years as the Pro's have become more, well Pro, and the college games have become, once again, more Pro. High School boils the game down to a more simple philosophy and here in Midland, anyway, almost any kid can suit up and be a member of the team, some getting small playing time for sure, but on the team none the less, which is supposed to be the purpose of a "game" for teenagers.

This year it will be exciting for me to be a Midland High Bulldog fan. I will get to be upclose and personal at many of the games, on the sidelines close. I have become the new maintainer/photo person of the Midland High Football website operated by the MHS Football Boosters. I was chosen for the job after an arduous selection and screening process over many months, beating out numerous other applicants.

Well, not quite, I was roped into doing the job by my friend Mike P. and his wife Martha who are the Presidents of the booster club this year. Anyway, it pays a small stipend and I do get to sideline the games and shoot photos which should be fun. The site is being upgraded and updated. If you're a Bulldog fan check it out, we plan on having many more pictures, some up already.

Aerial photography...

There is nothing better than to get to do two of your favorite activities and having someone pay you do to them! Today, thanks to Streams commentor Janie S., I got to do just that. Janie is one of the head salespersons at a major oil field service company and she had called me several weeks ago to see if I might like to take some aerial photos of a major "frac" job that they were doing for a client. With some trepidation of lining

everything up I accepted the job. The first step in aerial photography is to have some means of being aerial, and with that my friends at the CAF volunteered to help as long as costs were met and a small donation tendered. No problem there, so my friend and chief CAF pilot Randy Wilson agreed to fly the mission in our newly restored Fairchild monoplane, "Tarbaby". Randy is as good as they come being qualified to fly most everything in the CAF inventory.

The "Tarbaby" was built in 1946 and is how flying should be enjoyed. It is a fabric airplane and the windows roll down so we flew open air style. It has enough power that we could cruise at about 100 mph though going south with a good headwind we were making around 80 mph. Following the highway to Rankin there were a goodly number of Texas motorists almost keeping up with us, but all the better to enjoy the scenery.

We found our target site just north of Rankin without much trouble and Randy was able to make slow looping orbits over the well site to allow me to shoot photos, both digital and 35 mm, to my hearts content. Low and slow is good for aerial photography. After about 20 minutes "on station" we headed back north to the Windwalker Skeet Shooting Club to take some shots of a big charity event that Janie and her company were helping to sponsor. Then back to Midland International Airport were Randy brought the Tarbaby in to a smooth if not tricky landing on runway 160 L [above]. The Tarbaby has a tendency to lurch to the left when it lands. Dramatic but not too difficult for a skilled pilot.

A great day and thanks to all. And with a nice check coming in from friend Joe Galloway and our We Were Soldiers photo site, it's going to be a good month to be in photography!

Ralph and Stringbean...

Today's photo of the day is one of my favorite pictures of some of the personalities in the oil field. Ralph and Stringbean were doing an acid frac job for us when I caught them in an idle moment. I never found out Stringbean's real name.

An Apple a Day....

As you undoubtedly know, the Big Gold Dog has had his share of medical problems lately and has occupied most of the time I've alloted for veterinary activities. But, today was D. Daphne Dog's turn at the Shannon Animal Clinic. I wasn't really sure when the last time she had been checked over and had her shots. She certainly has not worn official tags since I've known her these last 4 years. Besides she's developed an ugly rash under her skinny little arms that hasn't responded well to topical dog creams I have on stock.

She also has the habit and running willy-nilly through the shrubery sometimes scratching herself up pretty badly. She has one of these wounds working now too.

So this afternoon D. Daphne had the pleasure of visiting Dr. Greg Adkins and staff. I say pleasure because my dogs seem to enjoy the experience greatly. Tres goes immediately for the receptionist with treats and today Daphne learned that if she stuck her snout over the counter she got a toy to play with.....and keep. Daph had her shots and a good check over by Greg who was concerned enough about her skin problems to put her on antibiotics for a week. All's well that ends well...

Except now every being, human or doglike, in the house is on some type, or several, medications. Tres is on two, one taken every other day, one every day. Daphne's meds are taken twice a day. Luckily mine are taken only at bedtime. But with all this medicare going on I've had to print up a calendar and stick it on the refrigerator with our own personal schedules. And by more turkey ham, which I've found is the best and cheapest treat to wrap the dogs meds in, they swallow it whole. Fool's 'em every time. I don't need turkey ham for mine.

Gold Dog Photos...

For many years now I have felt badly about not having a photo display of the namesake of my website, The Big Gold Dog. Gold Dog's have always been my boon companions and frankly many years ago my last golden, Ranger, kept me going through some tough times. And now Tres is filling the bill [along with Daphne]. With Tres' advancing age and medical difficulties I didn't want to wait and make his photo section a memorial, so here's the photo spread on the current Big Gold Dog. It's in Flash format so you can either sit back and let it run through the photos automatically or you can select your viewing using the tools at the bottom of the screen.

Roof Redux....

Not surprisingly with roof repairs, during last weeks heavy rains I discovered one recalcitrant drip in the den, in a spot that had a leak previously. Since the interior plaster already had been ruined, it is no big matter and on the positive side the other major leakages have been stopped cold.

Yesterday I called Frank Shepard whose company did the repairs and he said he'd have the crew out early this morning. And he did, come 7:15 they were on the roof having at it. I left them to their work and when I returned for lunch they were gone, but they must have worked like men possessed as there was dirt, old tar and roofing stones all over the patio. After some lunchtime work it is now clean and spiffy and I welcome the chance of storms today to see if the roof is finally sealed.

In other hometime news of no importance whatsoever, for years I have been trying to find flowering plants that do well in the mottled sunshine in the flower beds of the estate. I have recently had great luck with Lantana in areas that get more sunshine and now at the suggestion of master gardener Burr Williams I am trying Turk's Cap Malvaviscus grandiflorus. It appears to be doing wonderfully and if succesful will soon be my plant of choice [to hell with caladiums]. Turk's Cap provides colorful red blooms, is a luxuriant dark green plant, grows like a weed [actually I think it may be classed officially as such], gains good height and is a perennial. Who could ask for more?

After several bad days late last week the Big Gold Dog is doing better than he has in some time which is great news. In the bad news dog category, D. Daphne Dog has had a lingering, pernicious and malordorous case of gas since I let her in early this morning. As I file this report the assault is unabated so I must abandon the premises.

New Mexico Photography.....

View some of the photos using Flash navigation that I've been working on to print. Hope you enjoy them. New Mexico Photography

Sweet music...

Never in my wildest imagination did I think that the sounds of gravel being scrapped from my roof would be such sweet music to my ears.

Early this morning Mr. Shepard, owner of Shepard Roofing, called to say he was going to "try" and stop by this morning. Mr. Shepard is a fine man and an old fixture in the Midland roofing game, but through the last year I have learned that "try" in the roofing business means less than a 50% shot of something actually happening. But today the odds were in my favor as Mr. Shepard and one of his crew chiefs did make an appearance, though I also learned that in the roofing business making an appearance doesn't necessarily mean action either. But as you can see from the photo above today was a day of action!

The gravel is being scrapped back in preparation for retarring the flat portion of the roof that is leaking. When this is complete and after two seperate one inch plus rains in the last 4 days, I'll get to call my other good friends the DeAnda family plasterers to, once again, come and repair the inside damage. I find that plasterers are people of action, so all should be renewed shortly.

Update: No wonder the roof leaked. The roofers discovered a very long crack in the tar running almost the length of the flat roof directly over where most of the damage has occured inside the house. This was not visible until all the lava rock gravel had been removed.

Dog update.......

How's the Big Gold Dog you ask. Well, considering all, he's doing pretty well. He's still up for trying his morning walk, though some days we don't make it as far as we used to, but he gets an "A" for effort. His eating has slowed down since he's not on steroids anymore, but he does OK in that department too. Mostly he likes the cool comfort of the tile floors in his home with short trips out to the front yard to laze about. Being mostly deaf and very short of sight these days, I think he enjoys the trips out to savor the smells. And because he can't keep track of the world like he used to, he stays close to me. After an excursion to sniff the yard for strange smells he usually comes back to the porch and the glass front door where he can see me. But thankfully, he is doing better than I had expected a month ago and God has blessed him.....and me with more time together.

Blogathon....

My Dos Amigos in Blogville, Jimmy Patterson on the right and Eric Siegmund at left are hanging out this afternoon as part of Blogathon 2006. Both are braving the HEB supermarket lobby in the name of Midland Fair Havens, a very worthy cause. They'll be online today and thru the night. Stop by and make a donation. I've already won a contest....the list of prizes is staggering.

Dinner in jail...

I've started doing something, again, that I had done some years ago. Sponsoring some of the young guys incarcerated in the County Residential Treatment Center, CRTC. The CRTC is a lock up facility that provides substance abuse treatment for, generally, younger men who have done some fairly serious, though not life threatening crime, due to drugs and alcohol. Sponsoring is mentoring, mostly, the guys in the ways of AA and teaching them sober living without crime. A Big Brother for bad kids I suppose. Tonight was graduation night complete with speakers and a nice [for jail] dinner.

I had two of my guys graduating from the phase one program which means that after 3 months of being locked up they are deemed trustworthy enough to be released during the day to work. Both were proud as could be to get their certificate and the younger of the two achieved his GED while locked up. Pretty good for a 23 y.o. who has been a drug dealer since he was 17 y.o. The other is a somewhat older guy, a navy veteran, who let drugs lead him into a life as a methamphetamine producer. He found a good job his very first day out looking.

I hope both these guys get something out of our relationship, but if they don't, I sure do. At a sad point in my life there is nothing like helping a fellow human being out of a life of misery to make me grateful for what I have. The tragic stories of these kids family backgrounds makes me grateful for my more normal upbringing.....as does the sound of the steel door unlocking to let me out!